Senior School

One day, someone was walking down the street when they fell in a hole. The walls are so steep they can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Next, a teacher comes along and the guy shouts up, ‘Miss, I’ve been stuck here so long, can you help me out?’ The teacher gives a quick lecture on how to get out of the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yes, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.” Character triumphs over talent. The concept of friendship appears simple on the surface, they’re just our ‘friends’. But what makes a good friend is hard to define and easy to debate. It’s something human beings have been pondering over not just for centuries but for millennia. Aristotle outlined three kinds of friendship: a friendship of utility, a friendship of pleasure and a friendship of virtue. For the first two, both these types of friendship are dependent on a particular good or pleasure, take that away and the friendship crumbles. Friendships that are built upon virtue take time and energy on both sides , but they last. Wind the clock forward a couple of thousand years and psychological studies often reveal that the most sought-after trait in a friend is ‘honesty’. People are looking for someone in their lives who is there to co-operate and support, however, this would not be possible if a friend is dishonest, unreliable, and exploitive. Yes, we seek other qualities in a person such as kindness, availability and just generally being pleasant to be around, but to a large degree, these are objective. Instead, I encourage you to reflect on what your moral values are and see which ones you share with those around you; you might just find a friend. These moral values are fixed in their nature, but dependable and flexible on the context. For instance, I value people who are good fun to be around and positive in their outlook on everyday life. However, we cannot be this way all the time, life throws up challenges, holes in the street… and at those moments I need that same person to just as easily be empathetic and understanding. Likewise, if you value loyalty in a friend, someone who will be by your side no matter what, then I would also encourage you to allow that same person to challenge you & for you to challenge them. Friendships need to offer us some resistance when our behaviour doesn’t match our shared, unwritten values. These should not be seen as contradictions, merely the importance of adaptability whilst protecting the core strength of our support network. Recently, a friend reached out to me after a period of little contact, asking how I was. I explained I was finding things tough, overwhelming, scary. The very next evening, he and two other friends were on a train to come and see me. To listen, to support, to give me some small respite from a darkening world. Simply being present was a small act that went a long way to helping me out of a hole. So, the next time you find yourself unfortunate enough to be walking down a street and you fall into a hole, hopefully you can be reassured that you won’t be down there alone or for too long.